I think I have heard from almost every person that has been a part of the last several years of my life that they have seen a drastic change in how I handle situations that arise in my life, both the welcome and the unwelcome. I can recall feeling like I had no control, having no choice about the position I was in…being aware of my circumstances and yet feeling torn between heart and morals, love and lessons, and knowing the difference. At certain points once you move ahead in your life, there are some days when you robotically move forward with your day just because you just accept that there is no other direction to go. You find that “fake it til you make it” is your best bet – be OK out loud until is becomes real. Here’s the really difficult part though…
It’s so hard to move away from your past. Even when you physically can remove yourself, there are always still things that remind you of things that create tangled webs of memories in your head that the only way to rid yourself of is with distraction. Lets just face the facts – no matter how terrible these memories are, they still exist. The healing process from our pasts can be very intense and require A LOT of our energy, sometimes so much so that it is exhausting. The predicament with this though is that if you did not learn your lesson the first time, you can absolutely expect it to come around again. So as painful as it may be, making sure to learn and heal properly from your experiences is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself.
So how do we move on in a positive light while unwillingly carrying these memories with us?
Now I definitely don’t think I have all the answers, and what I may offer might not even work for you; I could be totally wrong. But I also believe that if you find something that has made such a profound impact on your life, it’s your job to share it, and those that need it or want it will find it…but you have to put it out there.
#1 MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO NO LONGER FEED IT
Whoever or whatever it was that hurt you, do not give it ANY more of your attention. Remember why it was that you let it go and then really, truly let it go. When it knocks on your door, do not open it. There is no need to question yourself or revisit your previous excuses and/or explanations to try and somehow validate it in the present moment. Do not hurt yourself by even wondering. Most of the time we find ourselves responding and/or revisiting this because we feel we have more to say, that we were never really heard. This is a really hard feeling to ignore, and you don’t necessarily have to ignore it, just don’t feed this to the other person; you don’t need to keep it going.
#2 UNDERSTAND THAT THE HEAD AND THE HEART WILL FEUD
If this turn of events in your life meant anything to you, you’ll find yourself constantly submerged in the chitter-chatter of the conversation between the head and the heart. We are masters at finding excuses for things in order to avoid feelings of discomfort or emptiness. It’s important to allow these head-heart talks to happen because it will raise your consciousness. However – this is probably the only time you would hear me say this – you must pay attention to your head voice. This is the voice of reason, what is practical, directing attention to what is actually there, similar to if you were to ask advice from a neutral third party. I promise you that your heart is going to want to go back, and it’s going to find every reason to. I believe this is because your heart has very deep roots and when it connects to some thing/one to that depth, it creates an invisible energetic string that ties you to it. Therefore, your heart almost will feel betrayal and will not want to believe that this was a real thing that happened. It takes time to disconnect before the heart no longer responds in pain.
#3 FIND A WAY TO SAY “THANK YOU”
It hurts and it sucks and you might not see how to just yet, but even if you have to grit your teeth or cry, say “thank you.” I promise you, this will become easier. Do not speak words of negativity against yourself, do not curse the series of events, and most importantly, do not wish ill on those that have been directed into your life to teach you something. Instead, direct your attention into what you DO have.
#4 FORGIVE AND FORGET
This was the first thing I had to learn in my healing process. I had an immensely difficult time with this one. I just could not wrap my brain around how to ever really, truly forgive. I knew that I had to in order to really be able to move forward. But then I realized that my perception of forgiveness was what was wrong with this part of my healing process. I always had the impression that forgiveness meant releasing guilt from the other person; I was so, so wrong. Forgiveness is for yourself. Forgiveness is when you no longer allow that person or circumstance to have an impact on your spirit. And it took me a long time to realize that I can forgive you AND forget you. You do not need to vocalize this to the other person, or to anyone at all, this process is for you. Forgive what happened to you.
#5 KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND NEVER LOOK BACK
In the beginning, and maybe even for a while, it might feel as though you don’t really know what’s making you move, but all you really know is that your days will rise and set one after another and that you have to do things in between. I know for me, it was a numbing sensation, not really knowing what was going to happen next, having to rethink every direction that I thought my life was taking – did I actually even know what I was doing anymore? And yet, I still had to get up every day and do SOMETHING. So here’s the thing…even when you don’t feel like it, say yes. If a friend asks you to go out and you’re feeling too sad that day, just say yes and go. If you’re presented with the opportunity to take on a small job or volunteer a few of your hours, but you’re just so emotionally exhausted, just say yes and take it. Put “yes” into the Universe and just see what it hands you. When you put this together with being able to show gratitude and express forgiveness, you’d be amazed to see the shifts that will take place. Just allow your feet to move forward and don’t for one second look back at where you were, not even to compare your current self to your past self. Leave the past in the past; it has already done its job in molding your present self, trust that you don’t need it anymore.